Tuesday, November 14, 2006

You Know You're Nigerian

This may be old to some but new to many. I laughed so hard when I got this via e-mail. {Thanks Chika!}
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You Know You're Nigerian ... ....
  • If your name is so long, or so hard to pronounce, that you either have some "Americanized" nickname, or you use your middle name (which is English).
  • If, you know what your name means.
  • If you know of anyone (including yourself) that has any of the following names: Ola, Sade, Bola, Tunji, Ngozi, Uche, Folake, Ifeoma, Tolu, Tunde, Obi, Chioma, Chituru, Chinyere, Adaobi, Nkemi, Onyi, Nneka, Bunmi or Fatima
  • If, names like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Patience, Peace, Blessing, God's Will or Mercy sound pretty normal to you.
  • If, rice and stew just isn't the same without plantain (dodo)
  • If, you would prefer Moin Moin, or Farina (fufu) with soup over McDonalds any day. If, you have ever treated a cold or sore throat with "Pe-pe Soup".. AND IT WORKED!!!!!!
  • If, your parents or relatives have ever disliked someone because of the simple fact that they were Black American. (for females)
  • If, not being able to cook stew or soup is one of the most major burdens in life. (another one for females only)
  • If, a Nigerian man who is about 2 or 3 times your age has ever tried to spit game......eeeeeeewwwwww!
  • If, you have ever gone to a Nigerian "get-together" and made a handful of money just for dancing.
  • If, the fact that NAS ESCOBAR is half-Naija makes you so damn happy.
  • If, not properly greeting an elderly Nigerian person has ever gotten you in a load of trouble.
  • If, you or someone you know has ever been sent to Nigeria because of behavioral problems, or if your parents have ever threatened to do so.
  • If, 'afrocentric' Americans get on your nerves with those tiger striped outfits.
  • If, when you were little you got FLOGGED (spanked) by someone who of course is Nigerian, but is not your parent.. And your parents had their back, instead of yours! (shady huh?)
  • If, you are mad that Musiq Soul Child (even though he's cool) is getting props for starting the "headwrap" craze when you or your mom's been doing that since the dino-age.
  • If, your parents own expensive ass lace (like 200-300 dollars for one outfit), and they act shady when you want money for clothes. If, your parents have ever compared your life here in America to theirs in Nigeria. ( i.e. boarding school, no electricity, fetching water, Nigerian Civil War....etc)
  • If, when you parents curse you want so bad to laugh, but you don't wanna get slapped.
  • If, your parents use phrases like "Ewhoa, Chineke, Che, Ah-Ah, Yepa! God forbid or by God's Grace".
  • If, your parents have ever threatened to kill you, break your head, back, or neck, or to "show you pepe".
  • If, any Nigerian kid that you known for a long ass time is your "cousin". Yeah, Right! If, you have a relative that owns a "shop". Especially if it is a shop that caters mainly to foreigners.
  • If, all of your parents Nigerian friends are your "Uncles and Auntie's.. not Aunts but Aunties.
  • If, when you are around Nigerians your accent either comes outta nowhere, or becomes thicker.
  • If, you have Naija relatives in Europe (especially London, England)
  • If, you have a rough estimate of how many Nigerians are at your school.
  • If, you are friends with someone just because they're Nigerian.
  • If, you bond with people more from other African countries (Ghana, Sierra Leone, Gambia, Eritrea, Ethiopia), more than Americans
  • If, you or your parents have some kind of stereotype about another Nigerian tribe
  • If, you know more than anything that your tribe is the best tribe
  • If, you know for sure that the Super Eagles are by far the best soccer team in the world.
  • If, you have ever bought green chucks just to match a shirt that has the Nigerian flag on it.. GREEN WHITE GREEN!
  • If, you know anyone with dark ass hands and a bright ass face. I wont tell if you wont!

If, you attend or have visited a predominantly Nigerian church.

credit: Kudos to whomever made this list!


Miss Chi Chi said...

If, all of your parents Nigerian friends are your "Uncles and Auntie's.. not Aunts but Aunties

I think this honor should go to those who earn it. Translation: people who are there for you whenever you need them and not the other way around!

Bradly Jones said...

Thanks for the post. It's like five years of not being in Nigeria has finally made me out-dated for this to be news to me. The change is amazing. Great blog!

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